NBA Eve

On the eve of the NBA season, we witness the passing of a legend. As tragic as his demise is, I have no frame of reference other than that provided by the occasionally good Sports Guy.

The man's death is tragic; no-one has meant more (sports-related) to a city probably ever. The only one who comes close is Larry Bird. Notice how all of these are in Boston.

Is that because Boston is so depressing that only sports give it meaning?

Or is it that Bill Simmons is the only column I read that deals with this shit?

We report, you decide.

* * *

City-wide days of mourning aside, a truly joyous time is about to happen on earth. Kicking off in Miami and LA, the season starts with two tantalizing matchups. Both match Conference Finalists against their first round opponents and both involve seriously talented 2-guards.

That's where the similarities end. Miami should be (in Lamar's estimation) the most hated champion in recent memory, whereas Phoenix will be (hopefully) the most loved in the near future. The Lakers and Bulls are both former products of that 90s-Early 00s star-centric system that placed a premium on acquiring one or two players with limitless talent and surrounding them with semi-crappy but cheap players.

If anything, the Suns take the Jordan Mandate to an extreme unrelated to it and yet ultimately so. Their #1 superstar is a formerly floppy-haired Canuck obsessed with the possibility that he can be defined not by supernatural gifts of his own, but rather that he gathers his worth from making the mundane abilities of his teammates somehow transcendent of the basketball norm.

The Suns revolve around Nash, but at the same time control him. He is Frankenstein, he creates the monster, but ultimately the monster makes its master the slave.

Because the Suns revolve so much around a singular star, one might say that they fit the Jordan Mandate perfectly, but that ignores the essential reality of Sunsiness.

Sunsiness means that they are more than the sum of their parts. They assemble a whole that functions together as a whole, but to which one part is so integral that without it the entirety of the system would collapse.

Nash is not only the defining factor of the Suns factory, but he is also the one most victimized by its existence as a seamless entity. Nash is defined by the Suns system--run and shoot, shoot and run--and struggles not to overcome it. He is nothing more than a worker in the Suns farm, and yet he owns the farm himself.

SLAM 102

This is turning rather rapidly into a Gilbert Arenas fanblog of sorts, and guaranteed that it will be shifted away from him rapdily once the seazon starts (6 days?!), but damn if this tat on the cover of SLAM 102 isn't holding shit down in a major way:
You can head on over to FreeDarko to pick up your copy of the new FD shirt. "Es La Pata Del Diablo" means literally "He is the leg of the Devil," but it translates more as one who likes to play pranks. So, there's that.

Two seasons too late, but...

The Dungeon Family literally is the Phoenix Suns.

What's Gilbert Wearing?

Peep the new Wizards unis (just press play.)

Fairly fab, including the fashion expert and Phil Chenier pulling some vaguely uncomfortable banter with the anchor.

Also interesting is Chenier's commentary on the new ball.

The First in a Series of Season Preview Chats Between the Two Creators

BOBDUCK: ay: let's make t-shirts

PMAC: shawn marions face

PMAC: thats it

PMAC: somehow that represents it

BOBDUCK: lamar fucking odom nukk

BOBDUCK: shawn is good

BOBDUCK: lamar is basically a deity though

PMAC: too bad amare flies

PMAC: literally

PMAC: dude got wings

BOBDUCK: lamar do

PMAC: should call him hermes

BOBDUCK: i know

BOBDUCK: that dude kind of more like achilles

PMAC: tro

BOBDUCK: dino thug is my 2nd favorite of 2003

BOBDUCK: darko being #1

PMAC: haha

PMAC: melo? bron bron?

PMAC: WADE

PMAC: your boy

BOBDUCK: wade is far from my homey

PMAC: i know

BOBDUCK: melo and bron bron are my homeys

BOBDUCK: but darko is my homey

PMAC: hes kinda fake tho

BOBDUCK: homey is literally g

PMAC: to be honest i aint that amped

BOBDUCK: he's legit diaw-steez

BOBDUCK: in terms of breakouts

BOBDUCK: he might be rough in the 1st half

BOBDUCK: but in the 2nd half

BOBDUCK: him and horseboy bout to bangstick like nem-but

PMAC: too bad diaw is legit

BOBDUCK: bout to be best frontcourt since wallace/wallace

BOBDUCK: darko is legit

BOBDUCK: but for different reasons

PMAC: i guess

BOBDUCK: that nukka diaw tight

BOBDUCK: he slasher and passer and shit

PMAC: yea

PMAC: he has a weird playing style tho

PMAC: na mean

BOBDUCK: darko is more top of the key j bones

BOBDUCK: tro, tro

BOBDUCK: diaw a guard in a 6'8" big man's body

BOBDUCK: he like tony parker if t parks was huge

PMAC: yea

BOBDUCK: they have a lot of the same skillset

BOBDUCK: but for some reason diaw can't play guard

BOBDUCK: maybe he's too slow?

BOBDUCK: you think the suns are going all the way?

PMAC: yup

PMAC: diaws just a tad too tall

BOBDUCK: he's only 6'8"

PMAC: and the suns dont need that form ho

BOBDUCK: the suns seem to create their own convention

PMAC: yea

BOBDUCK: but at this point it's fairly mundane

BOBDUCK: i think amare is gonna have an up and down year

BOBDUCK: if he's back by the playoffs though...

PMAC: i hope its all up

PMAC: he still has bounce

BOBDUCK: back like all the way

PMAC: ive been watching the preseason

PMAC: he averaged like 46 vs the mavs two years ago

PMAC: like no exageration

PMAC: over 6 games

BOBDUCK: dern

PMAC: he was DICKIN

BOBDUCK: achilles can fly

PMAC: capita D

PMAC: yep

BOBDUCK: but its that knee

PMAC: im not too worried

BOBDUCK: and he probably is a little out of place still

BOBDUCK: been away for a year

BOBDUCK: from the offense+defense i mean

PMAC: maybe

PMAC: but the suns will get to the playoffs wether hes there or not

PMAC: so he has 82 games to get back

BOBDUCK: oh, no doubt

PMAC: its not like their season rests on him

PMAC: which is nice

PMAC: like for kobe, no adjustment period allowed

PMAC: but i will say that jordan farmar is lookin pretty baller so far

BOBDUCK: that's what i hear

BOBDUCK: not too much optimism he'll take that shit from smush though

BOBDUCK: which is fairly tragic

PMAC: whatever

BOBDUCK: for all smush's magical bounciness, he is low-key bad

PMAC: at least when smush gets his usual 8 bangs + 89 turnovers, farmar will be a sold backup

BOBDUCK: yeah

PMAC: and turaif + bynum looking good too

BOBDUCK: if smush could get a j he would be better

PMAC: lakers squad actually looking low key nice

PMAC: i wont even lie

PMAC: smush actually cashes tres tho

BOBDUCK: laker squad looking aight only because of pjax

BOBDUCK: they're probably like 47 wins

BOBDUCK: maybe 50 if someone else steps the fuck up

PMAC: i actually say fiddy

PMAC: plus they got radmon

BOBDUCK: bynum needs to be good right quick

PMAC: another big thug

PMAC: wit a j

BOBDUCK: he's basically brian cook version 1.1

PMAC: turiaf still his usual too-amped-for saftey self

PMAC: admit brian cook is shit

PMAC: and cant dunk

BOBDUCK: brian cook can shoot some js

BOBDUCK: radman isn't that much better

PMAC: yea, but if he tries to bang hell get hurt

PMAC: radmon is nice

PMAC: he was killing in the playoff

PMAC: s

BOBDUCK: i guess

BOBDUCK: he should start over kwame

BOBDUCK: it should be

BOBDUCK: farmar+kobe+lamar+radman+mihm

PMAC: the lakers bench, no matter who starts, may be one of the best in the L

BOBDUCK: hmm

PMAC: no chance farmar starts

BOBDUCK: i would take some issue with that

BOBDUCK: i wish he would though

PMAC: think about it

BOBDUCK: the suns bench is nice

BOBDUCK: i guess the lakers have a good bench

BOBDUCK: but the mavs are better

PMAC: bench = farmar, bynum, kwame,

BOBDUCK: bynum kinda sucks still

PMAC: they dont have that thug tho

PMAC: the mavs

BOBDUCK: that bang just got you amped

PMAC: that guard

BOBDUCK: devin harris?

PMAC: not j how

PMAC: m

PMAC: the fake ass hair

BOBDUCK: marquis daniels

PMAC: marquis

PMAC: yea

BOBDUCK: he went to the pacers

PMAC: he was kinda tight

BOBDUCK: he's a favorite of mine

PMAC: yea

PMAC: hes underrated

PMAC: pacers bout to be good

PMAC: to bad they have 97 small forwards

BOBDUCK: brb after dinner

PMAC: ok

BOBDUCK: aight nukka

PMAC: i was looking at the pacers roster

PMAC: out of 18 players they have like 8 small forwards

PMAC: ridic

BOBDUCK: dern

BOBDUCK: link me

PMAC: PACERS: Pacers Roster

BOBDUCK: they have decent balance

BOBDUCK: i don't think they're all sfs

PMAC: i guess

BOBDUCK: harrington is more of a pf

PMAC: shawne will, stephen j, james white

BOBDUCK: how fearsome is their starting lineup gonna theoretically be

BOBDUCK: ?

BOBDUCK: j tins

PMAC: yea

BOBDUCK: quis

PMAC: a great vid game squad

PMAC: fa sho

PMAC: like the knicks

BOBDUCK: stejax

BOBDUCK: harrington

BOBDUCK: jermaine

PMAC: does james white have bounce in 2k7?

BOBDUCK: i ain't know

PMAC: cuz he went thru the legs from the free throw line

PMAC: so he should have 99

PMAC: cuz no one else can do that

BOBDUCK: i ain't checked yet

BOBDUCK: i ain't herd the name until now

PMAC: have u seen that dunk tho?

PMAC: oh

PMAC: ill link u up

PMAC: its INSANE

PMAC: in this vid he misses the thru the legs from free throw

PMAC: but i seen him make it in another one

BOBDUCK: aight

PMAC: i gotta find it

Gillyweed

First, peep Gilberts' oxygen tent and then take a gander at a blog I can only assume is dedicated to him. There is so much to say about the man who has established himself and reigns as among the lig's most enigmatic, so Ima try to lay some of it down.Gilbert has long been a hero to those fine folks over at FreeDarko, and for good reason. He is among the most interesting and complex ever to play the game.

For example: he was arrested this summer for standing beside his teammate as he was being charged with disorderly conduct. The twist: it was in the midst of a crowded Miami street.



Gilbert seems unregulated by the laws that normally permeate the game of basketball. When others zig he zags. Case in point: in the first round last year the Wizrds were inbounding with a chance to send the game to overtime. He took the ball midway between the three point line and half court and shot it.

Normally that is a moment reserved for the NBA player one might classify as slightly retarded. But with Gilly, it was a simple fact that he would take that shot. Whether or not it went in was semi-irrelevant. By even attempting such a ridiculous J, Gilbert proved that he is once again on a plane not higher than any, but seperated from all.

The shot did go in. Of course it did; what else can one expect out of Gilly?



His choice of literature (Harry Potter) reflects the fantastical world he lives in. The world where he can cover his shoes with Scotch tape. The world where it's perfectly acceptable for a man who depends on his ankles for life can wear low-top shoes and have no adverse consequences. It is a world all his own.