San Antonio Spurs team preview

i used to really hate vanilla ice cream. it was bland and stupid and white, and it wasn't chocolate goddamnit. eventually--after i discovered the wonders of pie--vanilla ice cream grew on me like a creeper vine on a wooden trellis. pie and vanilla ice cream are delicious together; pie and chocolate or strawberry or rocky road? fuck that. it's gross, and you know what i mean.

now, ask yourselves why i would start a team preview with a talk about vanilla ice cream? because it's the spurs, that's why. the most boring team possibly ever. although let it be said that i do like myself some tony parker on occaision, mainly because he's my all-time favorite point guard in nba 2k7. other than him, what do you say?

this is a roster not designed to lend itself to superlatives.

tim duncan, the undisputed leader, is legendary for the fact that he's consistent on a level that's absolutely sickening. i'm not kidding. next time i see a 20/10/3 season from tim duncan i think i will empty the contents of my lunch into the nearest trash can or other receptacle. i'm joking, but only kind of.

the basic premise of the spurs as it has once been described is that they assemble a team of three good-great players and fill out the rest of the roster with people willing to run through a brick wall to win. that is an incredibly accurate portrait of the spurs as i know them, and explains why flight white has toiled away on the d-league team, unable to showcase his inSANE dunking skills to the largest audience imaginable.

but because flight isn't on the roster, the spurs will keep winning. there are no players that could reasonably called laconic on their roster. every single spur lives and dies by the bounce of the round ball. none of them have shoe deals, etc. etc. with the possible exception of tony parker, who is married to someone who will probably one day bang their teenaged gardener while tony's away at work.

the spurs will probably win the west again unless they somehow take a giant dump in the bed this year. bo-ring, but some people like it. if i could only find the damn pie.

prediction 60-22, t-1st in southwest division