missing like the fucking o'bannons

this playoff bullshit with all my teams getting knocked out in the first two rounds by some serious madvillainy that i was simply unprepared for. but if you thought for one solitary second that there wouldn't drop some shit on the lottery you were sadly mistaken. or happily depending on the perspective.

seriously i love the lottery; nowhere else in sports do the powers that be take such a serious piss on what happened in the year before. and what is more american than saying "fuck all that past bull; we're looking towards the future. CITY ON A HILL BITCHES."? nothing that's what.

when portland get's the top spot and seattle get's #2 that makes me excited because shit who woulda thunk oden and durant would land themselves in the midst of some crunchy hippy starbux sipping mofuckas? honestly i was so into the possibility that STATlanta would be obligated to draft k durant because he's still there that i borderline giggled with glee at their potential future lineups.

the thing is that these picks should be in the other order. portland is blessed with 2 excellent post players with lamarcus aldridge and zach randolph and seatac has athletic swingmen coming out its damn ears should it resign 'shard. which they should and they should have oden too because that would push them towards perfection.

also, portland would take one small step for mankind toward contention if they added a premier wing scorer like say kevin "spiderman" durant. sure they already have brandon roy kind of filling shit up from the perimiter but if you can add future tmac you take that damn chance because shit--you're going to do some shit.

odenomics

we can all agree on two things this march madness:

1. greg oden will be the first person selected in the draft.
2. kevin durant was sans doubt the best player in college basketball this year.

this is not a commentary on "will kevin durant or greg oden be a better pro" or some shit like that. in fact i don't even know what the hell this is. this post has been aborted once due to exhaustion so now i'll again take up the sword of bloggership and promise not to resheath it until i'm done with this current quest.

people are really really sold on oden as the number one pick. in fact, kevin durant would have had to become a kind of hybrid between pete maravich and david robinson with a little bit of kevin garnett and tracy mcgrady thrown in for teams to begin to fathom challenging oden's stranglehold on the top spot. hell, even when oden played one handed and was honestly pretty much JUST above average and not the OH SWEET JESUS THE BIG BLACK MAN IS COMING TO SWAT OUR BALLS force that many expected he would be in the pro game nobody batted an eyebrow even as durant was doing shit that amde you wonder just what the hell it is that they put in that new jersey water. dude has spider man powers and probably will make a generation of prospects WISH they grew up in a state contaminated with toxic waste, just so they could get a taste of the shit that gave kd those skills in that body.

well anyways tourney time rolls around and durant half shits the bed and is half screwed by tim floyd bending rick barnes over the scorers table and doing him like barnes is in on a child molestation charge. one would think that once oden's hand has healed, and now that he's shooting FTs with his right ffs, he'd finally stop acting like a bitch and start getting his grown man on. not to be.

the trouble with oden, and the thing that gives him silly potential, is that the man has no idea how to play the angles on a basketball court. i mean watch him, seriously watch him, and you will see a behemoth of a man struggle with a kwame-like fervor over how to get his ass in proper position to block shots. there's a reason he's been in foul trouble the whole damn shebangabang; and that reason is that even in the mockery that is college basketball you can't just blast off and expect results. the best shot blockers, of which andre kirilenko is a fab example, know how to get themselves into position to swat a shot and not get called for a foul. oden just does not understand how to do that.

another issue i have is that while he's good around the bucket, he takes way too many contested shots. good post players take few contested shots, choosing instead for a sick spinoff and slam. watch some shaq tapes from before he became a fat asshole and look at how often he leaves defenders looking silly or just plain outmanned because that man had superior post moves. or akeem olajuwon. either one of those two. or pretty much any great center. sure, i think oden will be a fine player, just maybe not the superstar people expect.

we could be seeing mj/sam bowie on the microscopic scale, but durant will be better in the league.

of course, keep in mind that this is coming from the man who thought bron would flame out.