what the hell is going on in cleveland?

I know that this isn't exactly the first of what is about to become a raging flood of "What's wrong with the LeBrons?" but I figured I would give it a shot anyways. Keep in mind that the term "struggling" is relative: they just lost a 3 game win streak by one point to a solid Bulls team featuring the best second-year guard of a stacked draft class after 'Bron was debatably fouled going to the bucket on the last play of the game. Sure, it's football out there and he really should have finished stronger than that over Joakim freaking Noah, but whatever, they lost.

What we're seeing with the Cavs is indicative of the direction of the league as a whole: they're being royally screwed by Mike Brown's insistence on playing two-and-a-half non-shooters on the floor together for most of the game. Varejao is a nice defensive player, Big Z needs some burn and can step out to around 17 feet without losing *too* much accuracy, Shaq is Shaq, and LeBron is the greatest of all time (and should always be on the court except when he needs to step out into Earth's yellow sun to recharge his energy), but playing three of them together is an open letter imploring the defense to pack three guys into the paint and dare Mo Williams to take the game over. Why is this problematic?

So far the Cavs have seen their FG% (.468 to .436) and PPG (100.3 to 93.5) drop off a cliff while seemingly doing nothing but improve their team in the offseason (Moon, Parker, and Shaq) and coming off a Coach of the Year season for Mike Brown. Although their defense has improved by about two points per game, this is a far cry from the Cavs team last year that beat opponents so viciously that LeBron could routinely sit out the fourth quarter of games and basically act like black Scalabrine. Anecdotally the answer seems pretty obvious: Shaq needs to go.

Unlike his first season in Miami, when the Big Fella opened driving lanes for Wade and flew around the basket like a man possessed (remember that he garnered serious MVP consideration at the time because he was trying so hard to stick it to Kobe and the Lakers for trading him and had gotten off his fat ass and actually conditioned during the offseason--does this come off as bitter?), he's been the cheeseburger in the Cavs' arteries so far this season. Why? Well, to begin with in Miami he played in the frontcourt alongside Udonis Haslem (everyone forgets this now but the Wade/Salvatore's superhuman effort in the '06 finals would have gone for shit if Haslem wasn't making Dirk pay every time he cheated onto Wade or Shaq), who defenses had to at least respect out to the midrange, and who had the athleticism to guard quicker 4s. Debatably: Z has the same range as Udonis but his natural position is closer to the basket, and if you've seen anything this season, you've seen how ridiculous and awful the Ilgauskas-Shaq pairing has been this season.

(Note to the league: pairing two immobile big men NO LONGER WORKS. There's a reason the Knicks were so execrable with Curry and Randolph on the court, and why Portland's ridiculous Oden/Pryzbilla experiment in the playoffs last year culminated in a first round exit.)

So: a whole lot of complaining so far. Here's what needs to get done: STOP TRYING TO LIVE IN THE 90s, MIKE. I know that Mike Brown just lost his offensive coordinator to a division rival, and grew as a coach in the Spurs system when they were destroying the league behind the twin towers of Robinson and Duncan, but show some freaking imagination, please. I'm 95% sure Mike Brown just saw Clueless and wants to talk about "that Alicia Silverstone" with the training staff. Brown should slide LeBron up to the 4, insert Moon into the starting lineup over Varejao, play Shaq and Z in alternating minutes, and insert Varejao when they're really desperate for some D/rebounding/insane Sideshow Bob-style flopping, and basically dare every other team in the league to cover LeBron with their 4. How many 4s can handle his quickness and athleticism? For my money the list starts and stops with KG two years ago, and maybe Odom or Chuck Hayes can funnel him into the center if he's feeling sprightly.

This has two benefits. First: it's going to make the opponent either decide to let LeBron shred them offensively and hope they can make some of it up by punishing him down low (unlikely since he's bigger than half the 4s in the league, and it's rarer and rarer that teams play a back-to-the-basket scorer at that position) or they throw up their hands and play the matchups by inserting two smaller forwards into the game. At this point, the Cavs would rejoice because it means that Shaq and LeBron can now totally control the glass AND because now the other team doesn't have two huge bodies to throw onto Shaq down low. Want to make the Big Fella happy? Let him play one on one the whole game while he's surrounded with shooters and a guard in a linebacker's body. That's the approach Phoenix took last season when Gentry took over, and that resulted in one of the greatest offenses of all time.

Now I'm betting the Cavs snap out of their relative funk in time to start putting together some wins now that Delonte's back (another "what's wrong with the Cavs?" theory is that Delonte handled much of the offense while Mo and Bron were on the bench and they missed his absence more than many realized), but I think that if they even want to sniff last season's ascendancy they're going to have to take some semi-radical steps towards the King's positional redefinition. Shit, if it worked for me in NBA 2k9, it's GOTTA work in real life.

the ruler's back

something i'm not seeing reported is king james' serious resurgence. all y'all hating on him for mailing it in the first half of the season (and yes i think i was one of them) need to seriously reconsider your shit and start prosleytizing seriously for tha king. seriously he's been ripping the league up on some 6'8" oscar robertson shit since the asg. believe that.

in other new re: love for things surging in the second half how 'bout them raptors? maybe they're not the suns of the north or the east or whatever the fuck region you want to put them in but they're fun fun fun until your daddy takes your t-bird away. t.j. and jose calderon are seriously good pgs, maybe the best tandem in the league (leandrinho and monTAY ain't pgs no matter how much the suns and warriors wishcast them into that role). from what i hear since we can't get no raptors games in LA is that the raps are seriously fun to watch and seriously good on offense. even w/o jorge garbajosa and w/ a hobbled andrea bargnani (YEAH HIS NAME'S ANDREA WANT TO DO SHIT ABOUT IT?) they're challenging for the 2 seed and seem like they could be on the fast track to eastern conference success.

the east is kind of an old-timey conference (well a throwback to the 90s at least) in that 1/2 of the *good* teams are basically their stars and then NO-ONE. 'bron and wade-shaq both define their teams in a way matched only by kobe and nash out west. and no, i don't think the cavs would be shit in the west, let alone the #3 seed or whatever they are. they're basically the lakers and we know how the kobe show is going so far.

but even though the lakes suck this year they could be seriously dangerous if they stay healthy and add someone through the draft or free agency this year. or if andrew bynum makes a similar leap and vladdy daddy remembers how to play basketball.

OUT.

Right hand men

Koach K and Kolangelo have created a Team USA seemingly unmatched in international competition. Italia came the closest, but ultimately found itself lacking when Carmelo took the opportunity to self-actualize his potential mastery of all things FIBA.

The Doctrine of Dominance K set up since day one has payed its dividends, Team USA looks like an irresistable force moving towards ultimate victory on the world stage. However, the roots of the Doctrine of Dominance draw water from concerning locations.
Their belief that America can continue to dominate the world is one based in an old mode of thinking. It hearkens back to the Two Superpower era of the Cold War, ignoring the fractured and diverse beast that the world stage has become. The United States government faces a similar battle of understanding; unilateralism may have worked in 1992, but it sure as hell won't in 2006.

A key misunderstanding is the assumption that the rest of the world will continue to be cowed by the mere presence of such NBA luminaries as King James, DWyade, and Lo. The world simply does not care. It looks upon such players not as gods, but as the men they are.

When Kolangelo-K realize their error in judgement and addopt a less jingoistic view of the world, America will truly rise to power.

Salute the Flag

Team USA's undefeated drive through the Group stage of the tournament is kind of impressive, sure. Although many could and have predicted such a romp, it was not without its road bumps. Italy gave them a run, even in a rebuilding year. Brazil also tested them, led by Leandrinho Barbosa and lost by less than 10.

While it is a victory of sorts that I would look at such a loss and shake my head, wondering how the opposition came so close, none of these games should have been in doubt. As the commentators mentioned in the Italy game, Argentina and Germany both have larger margins of victory, a good test of overall team excellence.

The USA might be somewhat of a paper tiger; their squad is the most impressive and dominant in the tournament field judged solely on the names involved. However, Koach K's insistence on the pressure man-to-man defense could eventually be their undoing.

While Team USA does have impressive turnover and fast break points numbers, its FG% allowed and opponent's points per game are found lacking. Not to say that such statistics tell the tale of their dominance or downfall, but they do help point in the right direction. America might be better served switching into a zone defense similar to Jim Boeheim's at Syracuse. Maybe the intensity could be ramped up a little, but the 2-3 would force opposing teams into more outside shots. Thus, more long rebounds. Thus, more fast breaks. Thus, more opportunities for LeBron to embarrass people like this:

More tomorrow on the roots of K's and Colangelo's philosophy of dominance.

Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane

Sam Jackson is now the official actor of Lamar.

His work is superb, like in Pulp Fiction.

Also, Motherfucking Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane.

Anyways, on to Drew Gooden.
Drew has a name similar enough to Dwight Budden (featured on a Madden sountrack now beyond memory) that I got their names confused on a consistent basis.

Drew's game is so unremarkable that it becomes remarkable in and of itself. There is no more vanilla player in the whole of the NBA; he rebounds, scores, and intimidates with equal unremarkability. It seems fitting that he would be paired up opposite LeBron--a man destined to be a god among men.

Every hero must have his protection, every night his shining armor. That armor needn't be too flashy; the quality of the hero should be measured by his might, not by his shield.

Not to say that LeBron should press forward with inadequate or antiquated equipment--KG and KB24 have proven such a quest is fraught with nothing but peril and ridicule. Rather, he should wear a suit of armor that does nothing to add nor subtract from his overwhelming splendor.



Drew Gooden, combined with Larry Hughes and Zydrunas Ilgauskas, is a suit so vanilla, so ordinary, that it becomes extraordinary in its regularity. None of those men is capable of dominating a game on his own, allowing LBJ to rise up like the Basketball Mohammed that he is.

The Dead Zone

As we enter the eye of the NBA storm--and I am pushed to the sidelines by a fractured toe--I would like to delve into my ultimate starting five. And since its my blog, I fucking well will.


PG: Gilbert Arenas

Gilbert has been a maelstrom of controversy, at least early in this offseason. However, by inviting this controversy on himself he teaches us something about ourselves.

He was arrested not for pot, not for heroin, and not for soliciting hookers the night before the Super Bowl, but for sticking up for his teammate. That may have taken the form of standing in the middle of the road and shouting something about being Gilbert Arenas, but that makes his quest no less valid or valorous.

Let us not also forget that ill J he busted in LeBron's face to send the game into OT. His shot was at once not and highly predictable; we knew he was gonna drop some insane shit, and we knew he was gonna tie the game, but how you gonna shoot a J from 10 feet outside the 3 point arc?

If you're Gilbert Arenas, that's how.

SG: Kobe Bean Bryant

81 points. Eighty-one points. Eighty points plus one point.

No matter how you say it, one thing is certain. It was the best offensive display of all time. Yeah yeah, Wilt dropped the century, which probably will never be repeated. But at this point 100 is like .400 or the Triple Crown--it was done in a different era against different competition.

Kobe was the most dominant force in the league last year. The sportswriters ignored him for a floppy-haired whiteboy they felt guilty for handing it to a year ago.

Weird.

TO BE CONTINUED

The Sun Switches Horizons

Basketball and life are cyclical.

Since 1999, the Lakers and Spurs have dominated the universe with the exception of the 2004 anomaly. The East has been dominated by subpar teams of late-- even the Heat last year were broken for a champion. It was only due to injuries or chaos that any Eastern team has risen to the ultimate pedestal of late, but dominance is swinging back across the center of the country.

With the infusion of 'Mek, G Walls, 'Bron, Bosh, Villanueva, Dwight, and even Public Enemy Number 1, the East's underdog status is in danger of disappearing for the next decade. The West's collapse is imminent, unless sustained by the creative forces that summoned both PHX and DAL.

With Colangelo's departure that invention is looking less and less imminent. The East is embracing a new age of basketball player, while the West attempts to replicate that success with entire teams.

One of those two is sustainable. I guess we'll find out.

In Which the Quandary of Darko is Discussed

Darko is perhaps one of the biggest quandaries of the 2003, or any draft. See my post yesterday for why he didn't fit in with the Pistons, but it's debatable whether or not any of the players drafted before or after him would've added a damn thing to that mix.

The Pistons' starting 5 was and is a mortal lock every single year. It is very probable that had anyone--aside from LBJ--been drafted to that team, they would have spent the majority of two years languishing on the bench. 'Melo, Dwyane, and Bosh are all very good players, players that would start for any team in the league... Now.

Had the Piston's picked any of them, we would still be reading stories about how they're flourishing in practice, or waiting for their chance to shine.

By drafting Darko, Joe Dumars sealed his fate as a disappointment for the Pistons. With a coach that hates rookies and foreigners, it is highly retarded to pick someone in the draft who is both. It's avoidable to pick rookies in the draft: Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were both veterans of sorts.

However, someone as raw as Darko was doomed to languish, forever lost, on the Piston's bench simply because Larry Brown rocks it like the Know-Nothing Party. Now that Darko has found his place on the Magic, he has a chance to establish himself as another premier player emerging from that draft of yore.

If Darko does pull the sword from the stone and takes his place at the Round Table of King James, the Magic will wield a frontcourt the likes of which the world has never seen. Dwight Howard is still immature, and look what he does on the daily.

If the Magic get their hands on Rudy Gay, watch the fuck out.